


Lights Out. Breathe In.

by Hyperionova



Category: EXO, EXO (Band), Sekai - Fandom
Genre: EXO - Freeform, M/M, Rentboys, rent boy AU, twoshots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-19 09:57:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5963113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperionova/pseuds/Hyperionova





	1. One

“If you spend your life sparing people’s feelings and feeding their vanity, you get so you can’t distinguish what should be respected in them.”

― F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender is the Night & The Last Tycoon

 

                “I gave him my heart,” he muttered into the darkness. The night was no stranger to him. Neither was the dark nor the lingering soreness that burned his body. “I wish for him to wander out of my life just as fast as he had wandered in.”

                “So, tell me, dear one. What did he do to your heart?” A familiar hand snaked over his tender thigh under the duvet. A familiar tickle of breath grazed his neck. He met the familiar man’s languid gaze with a quiet uncertainty. This was the only instant he was able to pour his sorrows because the other men he had shared a bed with never cared. His walls. The walls who paid him handsomely for his desirable services, but could not be less concerned about his welfare as soon as their jouissance was achieved. He offered the nameless man—a lord mayhap—a sincere smile and in return, he earned a merciful kiss on the corner of his lips. “Did he break it?” A caress drawn along his breastbone and a brush of the lips on his neck.

                “He…” Sehun exhaled, casting the opulence of the bed a long glance. He had lain on much more extravagant beds, had been ruined on many unpalatable mattresses that reeked of the men’s betrayed wives and had been mired in inescapable sheets. Tonight was pleasant, however. Most of the nights were and he was glad for them. Almost every men had been benign and gentle to him and he was always grateful for their kindness. “For an ambitious lord, I expect nothing more than to be picked up and thrown away like a dreg from the roadside.” Oh, the literal truth in that.

                “That is terribly unfortunate. You should be warranted of endless love, my darling,” The man’s hoarse voice slid down Sehun’s shoulder like a wintry breeze. “You are, my love, a beautiful piece of artwork.” His smirking lips kissed Sehun’s shoulder as his steady hand slid between Sehun’s thighs.

                Then with a startling lurch, he pulled himself off the bed and away from the man who surely was kind, but not kind enough to trust a rent boy with his name or title. “I should leave.”

                A sigh followed Sehun’s abrupt hastiness. “Yes, sadly, you should,” he drew the exorbitant duvet which screamed the man’s obvious wealth to his chest. “I shall head home as well.”

                “To your wife, I would presume,” Sehun could not help his smug smile as he pulled on his pants.

                “Conclusively,” he extended one of his strong arms and helped himself to a cigar before reaching for his wallet on the bedside table. “For a beautiful boy and a remarkable night.” With an undoubted grin, Sehun climbed back to the bed momentarily to peck on the man’s lips before accepting the handful of bills.

                “You know where to find me.”

                “I surely do.”

                With that, Sehun buttoned his vest and pulled his overcoat on.

 

 

 

                “Here returns the prodigal son!” The sudden and cordial uproar of the men he called friends disconcerted him as soon as he entered the room. “Where have you been all night?” Mr Allister—the man closest to a father figure that Sehun had—cheered, draping a violent arm over his shoulder and dragged him toward the couch that was already half-filled. Cigarette smoke curled in the morning air as light-hearted convulsions roamed the living room. “Satisfying a rich client, I hope.” He clapped a hand to Sehun’s back before shoving him to take a seat on the couch. Sehun only greeted his friends beside him with a short bow of his head and they replied with a smug look, all sets of legs crossed.

                “Where else would I be, Al?” Sehun scoffed, straightening his coat. He had awoken with sore all over his body this morning, but at least the man from last night had tried to be gentle.

                “Literally. Will you just look at how bright he’s glowing,” the comment by Chanyeol was followed by an outcry of a laughter. “Did he do you well?” Chanyeol—crude as ever—winked, taking a sip of the mulled wine before dragging on the cigarette.

                “Quite well, Chanyeol. Better than you ever will.” The laughter was extended with Sehun’s retort.

                “Oh, I seriously doubt that,” he snorted, tossing an arm over another fellow _co-worker_ ’s shoulders and deliberately brushed his lips on the other boy’s cheek. “I happen to have done a merchant last night.”

                Sehun could only roll his eyes at Chanyeol who gloated at every chance he had. “Don’t mind him,” Mr Allister said gently, handing Sehun a glass of mulled wine. “We all know how good you are, Chanyeol.”

                “I’ll have to pass.” He refused politely.

                “What’s the matter, sunflower?” Chanyeol interrupted. “Did he rut you so hard that your head’s still spinnin’?”

                “Cut it out, Chanyeol,” Mr Allistor hissed before settling the glass back on the table. “Now, Sehun. I should warn you. Kai is coming over.”

                That was it. The little syllable. The little name. It could crush Sehun in ways that no one could possibly envision. “When?” he inquired in the littlest voice, keeping his eyes on Chanyeol who had begun to smirk harder.

                “Anytime now, I’m afraid.”

                “Well, Al. Tell him more.” Chanyeol pressed, leaning back in his seat with his expression preening on self-satisfaction. Sehun never really understood Chanyeol’s angle. Was he a friend or a foe? A lover in bed and a rival in life? During the earlier days when Chanyeol first joined, he had spent almost every night with other men who paid him and almost every day with Sehun who offered him affection. They were what people called friends with multitudinous privileges. But now, Chanyeol just seemed salty, always targeting to bring him down.

                “ _More?_ What is it?” Sehun’s eyes casually darted to Allister. What more could there be? Kai usually came and picked a rent boy, sometimes indulged himself with the short-lived ecstasy of a savage orgy. But most of the time, he chose Sehun. The latter never knew why.

                “He… um,” Allister seemed reluctant as he loosened his necktie. “He telephoned this morning and said that he will bringing his lover over as well.”

                “Do you hear that, sport?” Chanyeol let out a hearty laugh. “His sodding lover!”

                Holding his breath, Sehun sank his teeth into his tongue to stop himself from saying something regrettable to Chanyeol. _Lover…_ “What do you… mean by lover?” he asked with his throat burning.

                “No real idea, son. He just said he will be accompanied by his lover.” Mr Allister admitted solemnly. Sehun felt a hand rubbing his knee and shot his friend by his side a ravenous look. He acknowledged Taeyong’s comforting smile with a faint one.

                “You know what sort of man that indulging bastard is,” Chanyeol continued. “He mollycoddles himself with the glory of sinful pleasures. He is probably bringing his lover over for some good time.”

                “Will you please shut your mouth?” Taeyong hissed, finally echoing Sehun’s unutterable thought.

                “I… didn’t know he has a lover,” Sehun confessed, feeling rather foolish himself. “I suppose it’s a… man?”

                “Oh, how much more clueless could you possibly be?!” Jolting up to his feet, Chanyeol left his wineglass on the table before tossing his cigarette into the ashtray. “It would be a marvellous idea to bring his woman lover over to a male brothel, wouldn’t it?! Of course, it’s a man, you dimwit!”

                “Calm down, Chanyeol. What has ruffled your feathers, eh?” Allister pressed a hand to Chanyeol’s shoulder to hold him a tad back. His eyes however were piercing through Sehun’s soul.

                “He doesn’t realize, does he? Your lover boy is a sodding lord. No matter how hard he taps your arse, you are never going to be more than just an arse to him. What do boys like us hope for, huh? For a lord to fall in love with us? Wake the bloody hell up. Do you know what sort of likelihoods is in store for _your_ Lord Kim Kai? Wed a rich lady and bed his lover. You, my friend, are nothing but an object of pleasure for men like him. They use you and they toss you away.”

                It was Chanyeol who had been shouting, but it was Sehun who had gone breathless on the edge of a cliff. He could not bring himself to move or take his eyes off Chanyeol who drew out and lit a cigarette. That truth had always been lurking behind Sehun. Always. From the first moment he had surrendered himself, his body, and his heart to Kai — all to be carelessly crushed and ruined. No one ever taught him how to not fall in love. And now, it was too late to turn back.

                Silence stretched in the room. Nothing was said, nothing was heard. Chanyeol’s angry ragged breathing was all that dominated the eerie ambience. “I don’t wish to be here.” Sehun blurted out and almost rose to his feet. That was when the door sprung open and Kai sauntered in with the incredible sophistication of a patrician and the flamboyant panache of a passionate man, brooding with rugged handsomeness. Even the mere sight of him robbed Sehun of his breaths. His black overcoat matched the two pools of dark eyes and his hair, untouched and touched at the same time.

                “Kai!” Taeyong was the first to exclaim with a hint of excitement in his tone.

                Yes. Almost every man was gentle to Sehun. Except this one man.

                An arrogant smile took shape on Kai’s plush lips, which Sehun had never tasted. Not once had Kai given him the pleasure of a kiss. That itself represented the tacit line, the boundary he kept when it came to rent boys. His heart, stubbornly, hammered against his chest—pounded so hard that it could have given Sehun’s trepidation away. Only for a very brief second, Sehun shifted his gaze to Chanyeol whose scowl remained on him.

                “Don’t be shy,” Kai’s voice dragged Sehun’s attention back to him. A short, petite little man appeared beside Kai. All smiles and hopes left Sehun that instant. It was almost beyond the bounds of possibility for him to maintain such a stoic stance and expression. He wanted to look away, but couldn’t. As Kai’s arm curled around the man’s waist, a lazy silence wove across the room. “This is Kyungsoo.”

                “Welcome, Kyungsoo,” Allister chimed with one full-fledged smile and two open arms. “Do take your seat and make yourself at home.”

                No one missed the snort and scoff Chanyeol let out before he shook his head and stormed out of the room, leaving his obdurate anger to lurk behind. “Wait,” Finn gasped from the couch across. “Are you not the son of the builders’ merchant? I have seen your pictures in the newspapers. Your father is bloody royalty!”

                “The one and only,” Kai admitted, half proudly, half in love. “Come.” He ushered Kyungsoo, who still looked like he might turn around and run away toward the couch Sehun was cringing in. Taeyong deliberately slid away to make space for Kyungsoo to sit between him and Sehun. The man did not even seem like a man. He was a boy on the verge of manhood.

                “Wow, Kai. You’ve struck yourself a jackpot, haven’t you?” Finn rasped as Kai flumped on the settee across Sehun.

                “What does that supposed to mean?” Kyungsoo finally spoke and Sehun could not have winced harder. He wanted to flee, leave this place forever. But he could not turn a hair.

                “Never mind them, love,” Kai said gently while Sehun adamantly refused to look up at him. Of course, a merchant’s son would buy Kai a golden ticket to unlimited luxury. Sehun wondered just about how much Kyungsoo might have spent on Kai since Kai’s father had always been wary of the expenses Kai rolled in. Kai often complained about how unjust his homophobic father was. Kai only had the rights to acquire the title he was born with, but apparently, not the money. Kyungsoo would be a fine insurance here. When compared to Kyungsoo, what could a rent boy like Sehun possibly offer to a man who had expensive tastes and unachievable dreams?

                He curled his hands into fists, clenching his jaw.

                “Mulled wine?” Allister offered, handing a glass out to Kyungsoo. Smiling while muttering a ‘thank you’, Kyungsoo accepted the glass. “Does your father know?” he asked Kyungsoo. “He’s a very respectable man in town. I’ve gone to his store quite a handful of times myself.”

                Kyungsoo glanced to Kai with hesitancy sheening his eyes. Sehun finally brought his head up and took in the complacent smirk Kai’s lips held along with the pleasure-seeking gaze his eyes fed Sehun. While his heart resolutely pounded, his eyes fell languid, almost pleading for Kai’s affection.

                “He does not know,” Kyungsoo answered. “I’m not certain it would the wisest idea to tell him.”

                “Ah,” Allister sighed. “The sad lives of you boys. So, tell me, Kai. What can we pleasure you with today?”

                “Oh, not me,” Kai held his palms up in defence. “I’d appreciate if you would show Kyungsoo here some of your attractive kindness.”

                Sehun did not miss the smile Finn shot Kyungsoo.

                “And what about you?” asked Allister.

                “I’ll have the usual,” Kai’s answer was blatantly horrifying. His smile, even more. He rose to his full height and casually wove his way to Sehun before curling his fingers around Sehun’s tie. “Shall we?” Sehun rose as Kai hauled him up by his necktie. “I have terribly missed you.” His whisper surely did not seem to have bothered Kyungsoo because he was far too distracted by Taeyong abusing his neck with desired kisses. Sehun’s lungs burned, deprived of air when Kai leaned in to brush his lips on his cheek. He wanted to push Kai away. He wanted to hold Kai so tight that the man will never be able to leave him. He wished for Kai to leave his life forever. And yet, he wished for Kai to kiss his lips for the first time.

                He was killing him.                                                                    

                And he always bloomed for Kai.

                His lips were soft against Sehun’s cheek as they travelled lower to his jaw. Sehun desperately looked to Kai’s lover again. This time, Kyungsoo’s eyes were fixed on Kai. Those eyes said nothing. They just looked confused. Sehun let out a very faint gasp when Kai cupped a side of his face and grappled an arm around his waist as the tip of his tongue ghosted along the vein on Sehun’s neck. “Stop.” He exhaled, raising his hands to Kai’s chest to create an unwanted distance between their bodies. Kai withdrew at once, half baffled, half appalled.

                “What? What’s wrong?” he asked with a dash of vexation in his tone. Sehun briefly closed his eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh.

                When he opened his eyes again, he shot Kyungsoo a pitiful look, but he was more piteous toward himself. How much more pathetic can he get, coveting for the affection of a man who did not care an ounce for him? “I cannot do this. Not here.” He started for the door, but was stopped by Kai’s merciless grip on his arm. A very familiar grip.

                “What the fuck is up with you?” he hissed under his breath, glaring hard.

                “You’re welcomed to bed me any time you want. But I won’t do it in front of your lover.” Sehun violently pulled his arm free and stomped out of the room. His breath hitched. He needed to breathe. As he marched up the creaking wooden stairs, he tried his best to regain stability. His head swam in a muddle.

                “Sehun,” Kai’s hand reached Sehun before his voice. With a brutal tug, Kai spun Sehun around and with a ruthless shove, he pinned Sehun against the wall on the stairs. The meagre amount of air was knocked out of Sehun’s lungs, leaving him breathless again. “Why are you acting up today, huh?”

                “Let go of me.” He murmured, fisting Kai’s coat and vest by the chest, but didn’t push him away.

                “What? You need more money?” he growled, grabbing Sehun’s collar.

                “No! All that I ever ask of you is to… treat me like I’m also a boy who’s capable of feelings.”

                A humorous grin crept on Kai’s mouth. “Are you serious? What are you going to ask me next? Touch you like you’re a kitten?”

                “Stop. Leave me alone.” His fists finally tried to thrust him back, but Kai’s hands latched on his hips gave another bestial shove until Sehun groaned when his back was slammed back upon the wall.

                “Since when do whores like you lord clients over?” he seemed amused, as if he found Sehun laughable. “Quit your play and—” he was cut short when Sehun pushed him back against the railings of the stairs and let his hand unconsciously strike a side of Kai’s face with a remorseless blow until the man exhaled a guttural grunt. Panting, Sehun stood his ground, grinding his teeth and balling his hands into fists.

                “Why?” he rasped as Kai’s jaw tightened palpably. His eyes glossed with unbelievable and silent infuriation, but he seemed more shocked than crossed. “Why do you do this? Why do you treat me like I am absolutely rubbish to you? Why do you think I… I can’t be sore the morning after the night you…” he trailed off momentarily as tears welled up in his eyes. “Why do you think bringing your lover over and touching me right in front of him won’t hurt me? Because I whore myself? Because I’ve been touched by so many men that I am incapable of tenderness? And I know that you know I want you. No matter how well I’m paid by others, as soon as you call, I come running to you in a heartbeat. I’ve given you everything I can.” He knew none of what he said would mean anything to Kai. But he had to get it out of his system. Kai used him, crumpled him. He took Sehun’s heart, crushed it and flung it back at him. “I’m tired, exhausted of this.”

 _Please, don’t ever come back._ Sehun couldn’t say it as he resumed up the stairs. He wanted Kai to come back.

 

 

 

“There are no coincidences in life. What person that wandered in and out of your life was there for some purpose, even if they caused you harm. Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense the short periods of time we get with people, or the outcomes from their choices. However, if you turn it over to God he promises that you will see the big picture in the hereafter. Nothing is too small to be a mistake.”

― Shannon L. Alder

 

                _His violent breathing invaded the insides of Sehun’s mouth even with a revolting distance between their lips._ _Kai pulled out a little only to slam back in. His ankles were still locked on the small of Kai’s sweat-doused back as his fingers tightly clutched Kai’s damp hair at the back of his head. “Ahh… Harder…” he cried, gasping for air as Kai slid in and out, ramming his thick, aching cock into Sehun, until it hit his prostate. Sehun cried in pleasure and Kai raised a hand to grip onto the edge of the headboard, groaning with sweat beads trickling down his hard, toned chest. He was full and yet empty. His opening and insides went soft and tender as Kai’s thick cock drilled into him. “Kai… K—Kai…” he breathlessly panted, staring into Kai’s intense eyes. Stroking Kai’s hair, Sehun perked his head a little, longing to let their lips brush. Kai turned his face at once as he steadily picked up the pace of his thrusts. A tear rolled down the corner of Sehun’s eye as he clung onto Kai’s neck and shoulders while Kai’s abdomen stroked his own pulsating cock in sync with his thrusts._

_“God!” Kai grunted as Sehun ground his cock against Kai’s abdomen, allowing enough access for Kai to penetrate him hard and fast. Kai was sobbing for air while their bodies were washed in perspiration and Sehun’s palms were both hot and cooling on Kai’s back which was dripping with sweat. Their damp, hot bodies were tangled in each other’s limbs as Kai thrust in deeper and deeper, slamming into Sehun’s prostate._

_Slowing the pace a little, Kai straightened his spine and knelt between Sehun’s legs, rocking his hips back and fro, keeping a steady pace of his thrust. The entire room resonated with Sehun’s moans and Kai watched him with keen eyes as pleasure peaked within him. He lifted one of Sehun’s legs and pressed the sole of Sehun’s foot to his chest. Kai cursed a dirty word under his breath, throwing his head back as his heart beat beneath Sehun’s feet. He swayed his hips steadily, thrusting into Sehun and the latter extended an arm. He latched his palm on the lowest part of Kai’s abdomen, at the bottom of the clear waistlines before wrapping it around his own cock to pump it._

_“K—Kai…” he whimpered and Kai dropped his leg before curling his hand around Sehun’s shaft. Stroking it with Sehun, he picked up the pace of his thrusts. He was nowhere near gentle, no. But Sehun could not let go of him. He simply could not._

_Completely wrecked and fatigued, Kai collapsed right onto Sehun and they laid there, motionlessly, catching their breaths. Kai’s lips had kissed every inch of Sehun’s body, but not his lips. Never his lips. Why? Because a kiss would seal so many unsaid promises._

_Kai pulled out of him then and immediately got off the bed. Letting out a shaky breath, Sehun turned to lie on his side, burying a side of his face into the pillow. “Are you… leaving?” he asked as his throat cried in agony of moaning and screaming all night long. “So soon?”_

_Without a response, Kai hastily clothed himself after wiping his sweat and semen with a towel. Fishing his wallet out, Kai hurled some bills onto Sehun’s wasted and wrecked body. “See you next week.” He blurted out before he left the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Sehun lied silent for a moment, staring into the darkness._

 

“Everybody said, "Follow your heart". I did, it got broken” ― Agatha Christie

 

                Storms brewed outside, intimidating the town with its thunder, lightning and mightiness. The wind screamed, the night cried. He was stuck in his incommodious, startlingly suffocating room. There was one bed, stained. The gloominess dominated the sky outside, extending its greyness into the room. He curled into a tighter ball, hugging his knees close to his chest, slightly rocking on the bed. The sudden knock on the door startled Sehun at once. Perking his head, he blinked at the closed door. Who could it be at this ungodly hour?

                With pure hesitancy, Sehun attended the door. “Kai?” he gasped upon seeing Kai in his most desolated state, soused in rainwater and melancholia. “Kai?” he called again, lifting a hand, but dropped it back to his side. He looked like a byproduct of a destruction. The raindrops dripped from Kai’s hair as he kept his head hung low. It had been more than week since the last time Sehun had seen Kai. Since Kai had been to the brothel. Finding him on Sehun’s doorstep, looking like his entire world had come to an end, took Sehun aback. “What… are you doing here?”

                “Can I come in?” he asked in the lowest voice possible. Sehun blinked blankly, gaping at Kai for a long minute.

                “What happened… to you?”

                “My father,” he muttered. “We…” he lifted his head and Sehun’s breath left him.

                “Come inside.” He sighed with equivocation. He looked away as Kai dragged his feet into the room. Latching the door, he asked, “What happened?” He froze when he spun around to see Kai stripping down to his pants. Sehun’s heart instantly sank to his stomach. The thick stripe of belt mark stood out, contrasting against Kai’s bronze back. Sehun raised a hand to his mouth and clasped it, unable to gasp. Shedding his shirt to the floor, Kai lifelessly trod to the bed and lowered to sit on its foot. “Kai…” he breathed out at last and knelt before Kai, cupping Kai’s knee.

                “I didn’t know anywhere else to go.” Kai mumbled soullessly. “I’m sorry. I did not mean to bother you.”

                Sehun pursed his lips, sliding a palm across Kai’s cheek. “Wait here.” He rose to his feet and hurried to fetch a basin of water and a towel.


	2. Two

“The end of THE END is the best place to begin THE END, because if you read THE END from the beginning of the beginning of THE END to the end of the end of THE END, you will arrive at the end.”― Lemony Snicket, The End

               

                His hiss rang in Sehun’s ears, like a church bell—the church that despised men like him. Every toll snatched another piece of the souls of the boys who leased their bodies to refill the agonizing emptiness their families had left them with. Countless silent sufferings and sore solitudes had become the lives of these boys. Sehun, too, faced the sufferings and solitudes with striving endeavours. The church held no place for sinned boys like him. Neither did Kai’s heart.

                “Could you try and be a little gentler?” Kai let out an inhumane grunt, slouching forward with his shoulders flexed tensely.

                “This is as gentle as I can be,” the words escaped Sehun’s mouth through his grit teeth. He dabbed the warm, damp towel along the brutally red band of belt marking across Kai’s previously flawless back. Every inch of Kai’s body spelled out the opulence and privileges he had grown up in. No flecks of hardship, no blemishes, perfectly unmarked skin. Lowering the towel down the pink stripe, Sehun licked his lips, gently drawing his knuckles and the back of his fingers along the protruding shoulder blade. He felt Kai go steady and still under his caress. Sehun noticed the red spreading to the back of Kai’s neck as Kai hung his head. “Besides, what do you know about being gentle?” He murmured to himself, tossing the towel into the basin of hot water.

                Kai shifted at once, turning his head halfway around to cast Sehun a sidelong glance. Looking away, Sehun grabbed the basin and slid off the bed. “Do you have something to say?”

                “Need I say more after what I told you that day?”

                He noticed Kai’s jaw lock itself as he sharply returned his glare to the floor. Heaving a subtle sigh, Sehun settled the basin in the corner and ran his set of fingers through the silky strands of hair before turning to face Kai whose shoulders were slumping low and face was wilting. Sehun was not certain if he should feel either sorry for him or take joy in his misery. Either way, he did not want to discuss the plight Kai was in. “I suggest you dry your hair before you catch a cold,” He tossed him a fresh towel which Kai deliberately refused to catch. “Kai.”

                “What are you hungering for, Sehun? A bloody apology?” he asked, raising his head to meet Sehun’s nonchalant gaze. “For what?”

                “I’m not sure, Kai. How about for treating me like a simple piece of crap?”

                Kai scoffed, rose to his feet and Sehun averted his eyes from the glistening hard planes of Kai’s chest and abdomen. “You’re a prostitute. Has the detail slipped your mind whilst you were waltzing in your fantastical dreamland?”

                “So what if I’m a whore, Kai? I have feelings, too. And certainly can garner feelings for others. But all that _you_ ever see me as is an item of pleasure. You use me, crumple me, and then toss me away. Has it ever occurred to you that I, too, can be hurt as you can?”

                “Has it ever occurred to you that I’m a client who pays you for your service?”

                “So you just disregard every other aspect of me?”

                “What other aspect, Jesus Christ?!” he cried incredulously before wincing at himself. Cringing, he sank to sit back on the edge of the narrow bed.

                Drawing in a long breath, Sehun turned his back to Kai and peered out the grey window. “Why did you even come here?”

                There was not an immediate response. Then he heard an audible sigh. “I don’t know why I came here, Sehun.”

                “Okay. Now that you are here, what are you going to do next?” he spun around, pinning Kai with a merciless glower.

                Kai’s eyes fell a little droopy, sheening with exhaustion and absolute fatigue. He looked like he could collapse at any given moment now. “I will meet with Kyungsoo in the morning,” he rubbed his temples. “Then I suppose… I’ll do whatever he wishes.”

                “Well, isn’t this absolutely peachy? The notorious Lord Kim Kai stooping so low to become a rich man’s stool bitch. Who would have thought?”

                That had Kai jolting up to his feet and with one lazy vault, his hands were clutching Sehun’s shirt by the chest. “What do you want from me, huh?” His anger was fierce in his breath that raked Sehun’s lips. His glare was of a savage’s. “Spit it out, Sehun. Just say it. What is that you want from me?”

                His heart hammered in his chest, crying to jump out of it. Kai was dangerously close, dangerously desperate. Sehun pressed his palms to the toned bronze chest and felt Kai’s heart thunder beneath them. “Your money,” he started in a breathless whisper, locking their gazes. “Never mattered to me. When you take me to bed… I… I want you just as much as you want me, Kai. No. I’ve always wanted you more. But you never gave me all of you. I suppose you would have given all of you to Kyungsoo, your… lover. And I suppose there’s just so much he could give you. Especially now that you stand alone, without your title and your lavish family. What can I give you other than a good fuck? You’ve never kissed me. Why?”

                Kai’s fists loosened around Sehun’s shirt but they lingered, just as his gaze which gradually lowered to Sehun’s trembling lips. “Why?” he echoed Sehun’s question in a resembling whisper. “Because one day we will not be able to see each other anymore,” he muttered, shifting his eyes back to Sehun’s. “And when that happens, I don’t want any strings pulling me back to you.”

                “Rubbish,” Sehun voluntarily let his hands push Kai away, creating both a physically and a psychological distance between them. “You never cared for me.”

                “Don’t be absurd! I do.”

                “All right. Will you be able to leave your lover, then?”

                That caught Kai tongue-tied for a moment and he retreated a step, eyeballing Sehun.

                “You cannot, can you?” Sehun sneered. “You will not. Because you fancy yourself a luxurious life. A life without hardships. A life that easily hands you rent boys that you wish! And now that you’re cut off the family, I’m guessing you will have to rely on the resources your lover can provide.”

                “Sehun,” he caught hold of Sehun’s wrist and brought Sehun’s palm to his sternum. “What do you want me to say, huh? That I love you? What good would it do either of us right now? Listen to me. None of this has to end. You and I can always be as we’ve been.”

                “Are you even listening to your absurdity?” he shoved him back. That was when Kai’s hand rose to Sehun’s neck and clutched it. He closed the distance between them and almost smashed their lips together. The lingering inch between their lips was filled with raging infuriation from both sides. His hand slowly tightened around Sehun’s neck.

                “You are the one who rents your body here, not me. If you think your pathetic life can get any better—”

                “All right, that’s enough,” the door sprung open without any forewarning and Chanyeol leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest, sporting a stoic expression. His beige shirt was oversized, untucked and his hair looked just as messy and tired as he was. “Lord Douche, get the fuck out right this instant or I will have your sorry arse thrown out for you because I am this close to punching your teeth in.”

                Kai’s hand came off Sehun’s neck at once, but he did not back down. Instead, he spun around, chest out and stood challenging Chanyeol. Sehun eyed the belt mark on Kai’s back again and his heart sank. “You stay. You should rest the night here,” he said abruptly, brushing past Kai. “But leave before the sun comes up.”

                “Sehun.” he rasped, grabbing Sehun’s arm.

                Pulling the arm free, Sehun stepped out of the room without sparing the love of his short life another glance. Mayhap he never see him again. Latching the door behind him, he clenched his eyes for a brief moment, sucking in a shaky breath. “It is rude to eavesdrop.” He remarked without looking up at Chanyeol whose presence was anything but disturbing tonight.

                “I don’t care.” Chanyeol spat and casually started toward his room. Sehun aimlessly stared at Chanyeol’s back as the man walked away with clenched fists.

                “Really? Your momentary outburst a minute ago was not out of your concern for me?”

                “No, I hate your loud mouth. It never ceases to stop. I needed to sleep and you two were bloody loud.”

                “I have a loud mouth? Pardon me—” he stopped himself when Chanyeol came to a sudden halt before spinning around and stomped back to him. With an unexpected lurch, his huge hands grabbed the sides of Sehun’s face and the next thing Sehun knew was the roguish lips kissing his upper lip. His heart had gone still, cutting the supply of oxygen to his brain. Unable to process the progress, he stiffened with the warm set of lips languidly moving to his bottom lip. It was almost graceful, the way Chanyeol kissed him. He took Sehun’s breath away without even trying.

                His tongue licked along the seam of Sehun’s lips, demanding access into his warm cavern. Curling his hands around Chanyeol’s neck, Sehun parted his lips, robbing Chanyeol of his breaths. “Chanyeol,” he lightly gasped when the older man suckled on his lower lip, leaving it throbbing. “What are you—”

                Their lips moulded in perfect sync as soon as Sehun started to kiss him back. No one had ever kissed him like this. Not like this. Full of passion, zest, determination and love. When Chanyeol broke the kiss, Sehun—breathlessly—opened his eyes and fixed them on Chanyeol’s. “Why do you only see _him?”_

                “What?” he mumbled, dazed by the kiss.

                “Why can’t you see me?”

                “Chanyeol—”

                “I want to be with you, Sehun. I want to just… stop,” he panted a little, edging closer. Sehun reflexively withdrew until his back was pinned against a wall and Chanyeol’s hands came up to the wall. “All of this suffering can just stop. You can stop fighting so hard. Let me fight for you now.”

                “I don’t—”

                “I can find a proper job. We’re no longer the helpless boys our parents left on the streets. We don’t have to… do this anymore. I’m not a lord, no. I neither have a fancy background nor sweetened words to cajole you. I can only do that with clients. Not you. I can be myself with you.”

                “Hey, hey,” Sehun stopped him midway, cupping his cheeks. His lips slowly stretched into a smile as Chanyeol glared at him. “Kiss me again.”

                “What?”

                “You are an imbecile. A moron.” He grinned, rubbing his thumbs on Chanyeol’s cheekbones.

                “I’m not sure those are the words I was hoping to hear after my unrehearsed confession.”

                “Just kiss me. And make me forget myself tonight,” he closed his eyes and leaned in until their foreheads were pressed together. “Please.”

 

 

 

“Well, now

If little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you

Little by little

If suddenly you forget me

Do not look for me

For I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life

And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots

Remember

That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms

 **And my roots will set off to seek another land** ” ― Pablo Neruda, Selected Poems


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